YOU MIGHT BE A FIGHTER IF
(Submitted by Justin Zimmerman)
You Might Be a Fighter If...
you buy a TOWN out of rivets.
you can describe the tactics, strategy, weapons, armor and troops used in hundreds of medieval battles, but don't know why they were fought.
you can open a beer bottle with a claymore.
you show up for work on Monday with the most interesting bruises. (Or possibly a chain mail weave sunburn).
you mash your thumb with a hammer and cry out "Light!"
you get chain mail as a wedding present.
a man says "Whoa! Nice legs! Hubba hubba!" and he's talking about your armor.
you rattle when you walk, because you're wearing a mail shirt under your shirt.
street signs look like armor trees, round shields, war shields...
the crowd of ladies you are escorting to the shopping mall are heading to the wrong door you shout SHIFT LEFT! SHIFT LEFT!
you're bruised black and blue every Monday morning.... and you enjoyed getting that way.
you pick up the trash bin lid and automatically snap it up to a defensive position.
you sneer at sword fights in films because any fool can tell they're not within striking distance of their opponents.
you're in the front row of the company staff photograph and tell your neighbor to dress the line.
dessert is served in stainless steel dishes, you start speculating on how easy they would be to beat into shield bosses.
you used to have a wok, but now you've got a spangenhelm.
you were asked to find a broom handle to work a jack with and couldn't find a broom but came back with a longaxe and a spear.
you can't raise your arms above horizontal on a Monday morning.
you're parking your friend's car, and (being extremely nervous) he shouts "HOLD!" as you're backing up... And you hit the brakes.
you find yourself incapable of small hand motions and can only move your whole arm, or at best, wrist flicks.
[you`re female and] "You're so aggressive!" is a compliment!
you would rather pack you halbard and your pike instead of food on your way to war.
you slow down on the highways when there's no traffic because you`re looking for a new shield boss.
you get your van stuck in a bog, but escape by unloading the shields and driving out over them
after an event, while getting dressed in mundanes, you don your swordbelt and weapons.
you ask the guy at the Welder's Supply store for 16 gauge steel wire for chainmail and he gives you a blank looks and asks, "What's chainmail?"
your sweatpants have holes in the knees and rust stains, because you wore your armor over/under them.
you answer "What are you doing with all that wire?" with "I'm knitting a shirt."
How is an Elf different from an onion?
You cry when you cut up and onion.