| | | Sounds of Violence. (Sounds of Silence) Hello broadsword my old friend I've come to fight with you again Because the sounds of battle ringing In my ears has me singing And the rock that I have instead of a brain Still remains I love the sounds of violence In tournaments I fight alone I leave my melee gear at home But when I go down to the Pennsic War I often fight in groups of five or more When my friend was stabbed by an eastern spear in the head He was dead Touched by the sounds of violence A thousand footmen waging war A hundred archers maybe more Polemen thrusting from the second row Shieldmen dying, they're the first to go Two-stick fighters can harry the enemy flank They've got rank And love the sounds of violence Foolishly I pressed ahead I'd be a hero or be dead A belted fighter tried to teach me With his polearm he might reach me But my blows like violent hailstones fell And struck well Causing the sounds of violence Eastrelm fighters fell and died Before the advancing midrealm tide And we shouted out our battle cry We would conquer or we would die And the bards sing the deeds of the fighters that bravely fall And they all Whisper the sounds of violence (submitted by Justin Zimmerman) The Ballad of the D&Der (The Ballad of the Green Berret)
The Ballad of the D&Der (The Ballad of the Green Berret) Put iron plate upon his ass; This will raise his armor class. Two hundred men will die today; Only Orcs will walk away. Putting sword into his hand, He did join a lawful band. He killed Ogres two by two, But was done in by a MU. Fireballs are hard to fight. They give off heat, and lot{ of light. He did not make his saving throw. He was crisped from head to toe. The moral's plain for all to see- When you're playing D and D, If you meet an evil MU, Get him first or he'll get you. Put iron plate upon his ass; This will raise his armor class. Two hundred men will die today; Only Orcs will walk away. (submitted by Matthew Brotherton)
The Moose Song Author Unknown The Moose Song- Author Unknown When I was a young lad I used to like girls, I'd play with their corsets and fondle their curls. 'Till one day, my lady I caught with some churl, Now you'd never get treated that way by a moose. [chorus] Moose, moose, I likes a moose, I've never had anything quite like a moose. I've had lots of lovers, my life has been loose, But I've never had anything quite like a moose. Now when I'm in need of a very good lay, I go to my closet and get me some hay. I go to my window and spread it around. 'Cause moose always come when there's hay on the ground. [chorus] Gorillas are all right on Saturday night, Lions and tigers, they puts up a fight. But it's just not the same when you slam your caboose, the Moose. As the feeling you get when you humps with a moose. [chorus] I've done it with beasties with long flowing hair, I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there. I've done it with walrus, a monkey, and goose, But it's just not the same when you screw with a moose. [chorus] I've fought many battles on fields, and on Farms I've had many women in beds, and in barns Some men serve Odin, and some men serve Zeus but you've never known service, til you've serviced a moose [chorus] Now that I am old and advanced in my years, I look back on my life and shed me no tears. As I sit in my chair with my glass of Matheus, Playing Hide-The-Salami with Melba the Moose. [chorus] (Submitted by Justin Zimmerman) MR. ZARTHOSIAN TUNE: Mr. Roboto (Styx) LYRICS: GARIFF OF NEARBONSHIRE (Submitted by Matthew Brotherton)
Domo arigato, Mr Zarthosian math ah-oo hima de Domo arigato, Mr. Zarthosian Himitsu wo shiri tai You?wandering what I am Secret Secret I?got a secret! Human or Goblinoid Secret Secret I?got a secret! With parts made from an orc Secret Secret I?got a secret! I am a Zar-tho-sian I?got a secret, I?been hiding, Under my helm! My heart is human, My blood is ogre, My brain non-exsistant! So if you see me, Acting strangely, Don?e suprised! I?ust a thing who Needed a sword and something to kill To keep me busy-just keep me busy Something to kill to keep me busy I?ot a monster without emotion- I?ot what you think I?come to kill you with my longsword So I?ot bored I?ot a Hero, I?ot a savior, forget what you know I?ust a thing whose formalities Are out of control! Beyond all control- Who needs control? I hate control- Who needs control? I am a Zar-tho-sian Secret Secret I?got a secret Who hides under a helm Secret Secret I?got a secret So no one else can see Secret Secret I?got a secret My huge front teeth Domo Arigato, Mr. Zarthosian, domo... domo! Domo Arigato, Mr. Zarthosian, domo... domo! Domo Arigato, Mr. Zarthosian, domo... domo! Domo arigato, Mr. Zarthosian Domo arigato, Mr. Zarthosian Domo arigato, Mr. Zarthosian Domo arigato, Mr. Zarthosian (Repeated Through Next Verse) Thank you very much, Mr. Zarthosian For doing the jobs that no human stomaches And thank you very much, Mr. Zarthosian For wearing that helmet to keep you covered Thank you- thank you- thank you I want to thank you, please, Thank you Ooooooaaooooh IIIIIIEEEEIIIIII!!! (end Domo's) The problem is plain to see, Too much wizardry, Magics to save our lives, Magics dehumanize! The time has come at last Secret Secret I?got a secret to throw away this helm Secret Secret I?got a secret So everyone can see Secret Secret I?got a secret Even the tusks on me I?arthos! Zarthos! Zarthos! Zarthos! | | A Grazing Mace! (Amazing Grace)
A grazing mace, how sweet the sound, that felled my foe for me I bashed his head, he struck the ground, and thus came victory My mace has taught my foes to fear, that mace my fear relieved How precious did my mace appear, when I my mace received Through many tourneys wars and fairs, I have already come My mace has brought me safe thus far, my mace will bring me home The King has promised good to me, his word my hope secures I will his shield and weapon be, when he gives me my spurs And when my mace my foeman nails, that mortal strife shall cease And we'll possess within our pale, a life of joy and peace A grazing mace, how sweet the sound that flattened a wretch like thee! Whose head is flat, that once was round; done in by my mace....and me! A grazing mace, how sweet the sound that smites a foe like thee You're left there lying on the ground, you've left the field to me! (Submitted By Justin Zimmerman) Under the Shield Wall Lyrics: Andrixos and Chidiock (SCA) Tune: "Under the Boardwalk"
Under the Shield Wall Lyrics: Andrixos and Chidiock (SCA) Tune: "Under the Boardwalk" Oh when the sun is hot And your head's burning in your helm, And though you fight and fight Neither side can overwhelm, Under the shield wall - it's the place to be - With my lady beside me - willingly. Under the shield wall, where it's quiet and dark; Under the shield wall, like our own private park; Under the shield wall, polearms crashing above; Under the shield wall, we'll be making love; Under the shield wall, shield wall. Well it's the safest place That fighter can ever be. No weapon reaches there To break our sweet tranquility. Under the shield wall - out of the sun, With my lady beside me, we'll be havin fun. (chorus) So when the sides are joined, And you find yourself in the press, Why don't you join me there And take a break from battle stress. Under the shield wall - it's the place to be, With my lady beside me - carnally. (Submitted by Justin Zimmerman) Viking Men Author Anon. Tune of "Jingle Bells"
Viking Men Author Anon. Tune of "Jingle Bells" Dashing thru the town, Our firebrands burning bright, Striking foemen down, Setting things alight, Swords on axes ring, Making spirits bright, What fun it is to laugh and sing, A _slaying_ song tonight! (Chorus, second line changes every verse) We're viking men, viking men, plundering your shore, Another dragon ship sails in discharging twenty more, We're viking men, viking men, our axes red with gore, Shouting out our battle cries and singing praise to Thor! See your harbor fair, Filled with our dragon ships, See men with flame-red hair, And foam on bearded lips, We come at break of day, To depredate your land, And then, when we have gone away, No unburnt building stands. (Chorus- Second line is "Another... discharging forty more.") We're carrying away, Whatever we admire, Your forces to delay, We've set the rest on fire. With you we've had our will, And varied was your cost, We sacked the convent on the hill, And more than gold was lost! (Chorus- 2nd line is "Another.... discharging eighty more.") There is one simple way, To keep us from your shore, If you'll but Danegeld pay, (Sung as insincerely as possible) We'll be your friends once more. This act you will not rue, You'll have no cause to fear, (Pause a beat or two for effect, the sing loudly...) Until the next installment's due, When we come back next year! (Chorus- The 2nd line is "A fleet of dragon ships sail in discharging thousands more!") (Submitted by Justin Zimmerman) RING THEIR BELL Tune: Jingle Bells Submitted by Mourtegoul Slashing through the Orcs With a good two-handed blade Over corpses we go And through the gore we wade Mace on helmet rings Making bodies fly What fun to sing our Slaying Song And watch these suckers DIE! (chorus) Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells Don't let 'em get away! We're brave and bold for fame and gold We'll make a lot today! Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells Don't let 'em get away! We'll hack and slash and blast and trash And blow these dudes away! Crashing through the door Into the Dragon's nose Our mage whips out a Cone of Cold And out his fire goes! Elven bowstrings sing Making Balrogs fall And our theif finds a secret door Into the treasure hall! (chorus) Then appears the Lich With his demon guard Our wizard yawns and wishes We'd run into something hard. He begins to cast His 19th level spell The damn lich throws a Gate at us And drops us all in Hell! (chorus) We appear in Hell In front of Satan's throne Our Cleric waves us out the door And takes him on alone! Satan's legions don't Want to let us go Our Techno pulls a bazooka out And NUKES 'em 'till they GLOW! Oh, ring their bells with Prayers and Spells Don't let 'em get away! We're brave and bold and CRAZED, we're told To think we'll live the day! Oh, ring their bells with swords and SHELLS Don't let 'em get away! We'll hack and slash and blast and trash And drag our loot away! | |
One Tin Soldier The Legend of Billy Jack Lyrics: Lambert-Potter Sung by Coven Listen, children, to a story That was written long ago, 'Bout a kingdom on a mountain And the valley-folk below. On the mountain was a treasure Buried deep beneath the stone, And the valley-people swore They'd have it for their very own. Go ahead and hate your neighbor, Go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, You can justify it in the end. There won't be any trumpets blowing Come the judgement day, On the bloody morning after.... One tin soldier rides away. So the people of the valley Sent a message up the hill, Asking for the buried treasure, Tons of gold for which they'd kill. Came an answer from the kingdom, "With our brothers we will share All the secrets of our mountain, All the riches buried there." Go ahead and hate your neighbor, Go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, You can justify it in the end. There won't be any trumpets blowing Come the judgement day, On the bloody morning after.... One tin soldier rides away. Now the valley cried with anger, "Mount your horses! Draw your sword!" And they killed the mountain-people, So they won their just reward. Now they stood beside the treasure, On the mountain, dark and red. Turned the stone and looked beneath it... "Peace on Earth" was all it said. Go ahead and hate your neighbor, Go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, You can justify it in the end. There won't be any trumpets blowing Come the judgement day, On the bloody morning after.... One tin soldier rides away. (Submitted by Tim Neppel) I NEED A SHEEP To the Tune of "Scotland the Brave"
I NEED A SHEEP To the Tune of "Scotland the Brave" Bring me some whiskey, mother I'm feeling frisky, mother I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night! I need a lover, mother No, not my brother, mother I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night! Gerbils don't make it, mother They just can't take it, mother I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night! Owls, bats and other critters Just tend to give me jitters I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night! Sheep never talk about it They never ever doubt it Always so placid, affectionate and nice! Give me that lanolin. Better than flannel-in. I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night! (submitted by Justin Zimmerman) We Will Cleave You TUNE: "We Will Rock You" Words by Carolus Mediocris (set stomping beat and then start the song)
We Will Cleave You TUNE: "We Will Rock You" Words by Carolus Mediocris (set stomping beat and then start the song) Buddy you're a newbie, Pathetic piece of dogmeat, You say you wanna be a great knight someday! You've got mud on your face Big disgrace Flapping your shield all over the place! Singing We will, we will CLEAVE YOU!!!! We will, CLEAVE YOU!!!! Buddy you're a squire now, Slaving for your knight now, He says he's gonna teach you to fight someday! You got dung on your face, Big disgrace, Browning your nose all over the place! Twinkie you're a knight now, Ego shining bright now, You think you can't be beaten at all these days! You got a smirk on your face, Big disgrace, Waving your belt all over the place! Buddy you're the king now, Won that tourney thing, yeah, But the queen she still is holding your puppet strings! It was a big mistake, Your bones all ache, Your armour is crushed all over the place! Buddy you're a duke now, Haven't learned a thing pal, You want to sit the throne of An Tir again! Your most noble grace, As good as in the grave, Ace, Hit too many times with a great big mace!!! Singing We will, we will CLEAVE YOU!!!! We will, we will CLEAVE YOU!!!! (Submitted by Justin Zimmerman) Untitled by Thomas Moore submitted by Val Pendragon The harp that once through Tara's halls The souls of music shed Now hangs as mute on Tara's walls As if that soul were fled So sleeps the pride of former days So glorys thrill is o'er And hearts that once beat high with praise now feel that pulse no more No more chiefs and ladies bright the harp of Tara Swells; The chord alone that breaks the night, its tale if ruin tells. Thus freedom now so seldom wakes, the only throb she gives Is when some heart indignant breaks, to show that she still lives. |
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